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5 Ways People-Pleasing May Be Stressing You Out

boundaries life coaching self-awareness Oct 11, 2021

Are you a people pleaser?  Do you say “yes” when you would rather say no?  Do you have a hard time speaking up when you get upset about something?

If this sounds familiar, you may have the “disease to please,” and it may be stressing you out.

People pleasing is often mistaken for being “nice.” But it can be lethal because it causes the people pleaser to internalize all the stress, pressure, and potential conflict, instead of feeling safe enough to communicate it in a healthy way.  Below are five ways people-pleasing is creating stress in your life:

1. You say yes when you want to say no:

 People pleasers say “yes” when they want to say “no” to requests and invitations because you don’t want others to be upset or displeased with you.  As a result, you end up spreading yourself too thin, which drains your energy.  You then start to feel resentment for all the things you “have to” do.  It also makes you a bit dishonest.

2.  You avoid conflict at all costs.

Avoiding conflict is something that most people pleasers do.  Instead of speaking up when something bothers you, you keep it to yourself and feel resentful at the other person.  Usually, the other person has no idea they did anything to bother you, so they continue with the behavior that stressed you out in the first place.

3.  You overaccommodate.

 People pleasers tend to overaccommodate instead of meeting others half-way.  Again, this results in drained energy and the other people in your life just assume you will pick up their slack, which will cause resentment.

4.  Other people may not fully trust you.

When you always say “yes,” avoid conflict, and overaccommodate, other people may not fully trust you.  They can sense that you are not completely honest.  Because people pleasing is a form of dishonesty.  It’s dishonest because you are hiding your true feelings to control another person’s reaction or opinion of you. 

5.  You hide your true self.

When you always feel like you need to put up a pleasing front, you are hiding your true self from the world.  This is a tragedy because nobody will ever get to know the true you.  And underneath all that people pleasing, your true self is spectacular.

What can I do to change my people-pleasing ways?

1.  Start noticing when you are not speaking your truth. People pleasing is a habit, so the first step is to simply notice when you feel the dread of saying yes when you mean no, or the need to overaccommodate or hide.

2.  Ease into saying “no” when you want to say no. And you don’t have to make up a pretend explanation. Often, people pleasers will try to think of a good excuse to say no. You don’t need a reason.  Just tell the truth.

3.  Practice speaking up when something is bothering you. Conflict is a normal part of being a human. Conflict does not have to mean yelling, fighting or being mean to another person.  It can simply mean that you calmly tell the truth to someone about your feelings without trying to blame them or make them feel guilty.

I hope these tips have helped.  If you’d like some more help with finding your voice to say what you want, email me at [email protected] or go to www.christinarenzelli.com to set up a free consultation.

Do you want to find clarity and organize your life? Download a free copy of my first book, Organize Your Life: How to Find Clarity From Within by clicking below:

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